today, October 31 2012, last year, October 31, 2011 and the other year, November 01, 2010, all made significance in my life.. how do i say this?
remembering the past just seems to be so nice, yet so painful. i closed my eyes for i was about to sleep on the midnight of October 30, 2012. as soon as the pitch black appeared to sight, flashes of memories came back to life. what was i thinking?
yes, i miss him so much. and i am getting used to missing him, that it became my incurable disease. what was i thinking? my eyes still closed, as it became watery and tears rushed down. i was lying down to my right in a fetus form position, and then suddenly i remember how his shoulders felt in my face/head, how he smells, how comfortable it is even in the jeepneys. i remember how he grabs my head when i start to feel sleepy. and then, i wiped my tears, my eyes still closed, and put my hands under my face. i remember how his hands fit mine, how he brushed my hair out of my face, the sweat in his hands that combined mine... those hands.. my tears just cant stop. now i can hardly breathe out of my mourning.
every little piece of our memories just came rushing in my sight. i cried harder. it was a bitter-sweet torture. those memories of happiness that we shared together feels so great but the eagerness of wanting more to share with, is what makes it bitter-painful. will there be another chance of creating another memory with him again? what if there's none anymore? i cannot imagine how my life would've turned out if he weren't there. and how would it be in the future? it is more painful to imagine.
we spent this day today, reminiscing our day together the other year of the same date. oh, how much i wanted to forget the fact that it was the last day we held each other together without anybody else. if i were to go back in the past, i would never go back to this part of my life. why is "goodbye" so painful? where is the good in goodbyes? it shudders me and it scares me. i wanted to delete the part of our lives where we had to part ways. i wanted to erase them and let it not happen. but it was real. the last kiss, the last touch. the last hug. the last ride, the last moment we held each other. :"(
